Rejected From College? Learn How to Deal and Move Forward
/A guide to help you process the disappointment of receiving a college rejection letter
You were hoping for better news, and while you knew that thousands of students get rejected from their dream school every year, you really hoped it wouldn’t happen to you.
And now, you’re devastated, wondering how to deal with your college rejection. Where do you go from here?
In this guide, we’ll discuss some tips to help you and your family process not getting into your dream school. Know that this rejection is not a cap on your greatness or a reflection of what you have to offer. You have a lot to offer, and ultimately, you will end up at the school that is right for you.
Acknowledge how you feel
One of the reasons college rejections are so painful is you’ve likely invested a lot of time into the admissions process. You were intentional about what extracurricular activities you did in high school. You spent hours writing your essays and preparing for the ACT or SAT.
You might have visited the college in question, and even if you didn’t, the idea of being a student at your dream school took up a lot of space in your mind.
Many students spend time looking up the acceptance rates at top schools. (studying Ivy League acceptance rates is an especially popular activity.) But knowing these stats does little to lessen the sting.
The truth is it hurts. A lot. You might feel a sense of loss. You might even be angry at yourself. It’s okay to feel whatever complex emotions come up in the process. In fact, it’s necessary.
Give yourself a few days to wallow. Do what it takes to clear out the negative emotions attached with the notification.
If you’re a parent, avoid glossing over the hurt, insisting your child stay positive, or jumping right into other college options. Ask them what they need and create space for it.
After a few days, it’ll be time to process what getting rejected from college actually means and how you can move forward.
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There is nothing wrong with you
It is worth saying that nothing is wrong with you. We know you might be tempted to scrutinize every aspect of your application to understand what went wrong.
Did you choose the right essay topics? Did you choose the wrong voice? Maybe the admissions officers didn’t get a clear picture of who you were. Or perhaps adding that you were part of the National Honor Society would have made your application shine.
The truth is, no matter how much time you put into trying to figure out what went wrong, you won’t find the answer.
College admissions seem personal—you pour your soul out into your essays. When you’re rejected from your dream school, it might be tempting to see it as a judgment call on you as a person and your worth.
Because top schools get thousands of applications, at the end of the day there are an abundance of qualified candidates and few slots. It’s not personal. It’s not about anything you did wrong. It isn’t helpful to wrack your application for typos.
Begin to accept that it likely wasn’t something lacking in your application but a question of fit and who else was applying. Notice what those two factors have in common—they’re out of your control. Which brings us to our next step.
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Strategize
Though it may take some time for the initial disappointment to wear off, we encourage you and your parents to continue focusing on the aspects of their admissions process that are within your control.
First, it’s helpful to take inventory. Was it simply a deferral? Are you waiting to hear back from other schools? Did you already get in somewhere else?
If you have received good news, even if it wasn’t your first choice, even if it’s not the exact program you wanted, these acceptances mean something. Celebrate! You have options, and they’re tangible.
If you haven’t heard back yet, hang in there. It only takes one school, and there’s no need to give yourself grief if something good is coming your way.
Perhaps this experience has knocked your confidence, and you want to make extra sure to cover your bases. You might consider applying to schools with rolling admissions, which might offer what you need from the college experience or give you the morale to stay the course and wait to hear back from other places.
Final thoughts
Know that many people who have done well in life were rejected from their dream school. This rejection was not an indicator of their ability to succeed in life or their likelihood of having an impact.
Reflect on why it is you were so keen on this college in the first place. What sort of opportunities—extracurricular, academic, social, or otherwise—would help you create the impact you want to make? Now go a step further. Is it still possible to make the same impact at a different school?
College application rejections are a tough pill to swallow. The pain of rejection is real, and you’re not alone, though it might seem like you’re only hearing about acceptances on social media.
Give yourself time to process the news. And then remember that who you will be, what you will do, isn’t attached to one school. You owe it to yourself to make it happen.
We are rooting for you!
About the Author
Dr. Shirag Shemmassian is the Founder of Shemmassian Academic Consulting and one of the world's foremost experts on college admissions. Over the past 15 years, he and his team have helped thousands of students get into top programs like Harvard, Stanford, and MIT using his exclusive approach.
